The following is an paper (the last one of the semester) for which a student at the University of Alabama received a B-minus. Marks in red indicate teacher's comments. This is no joke; i typed this up with the author's consent. He ain't dumb. He just fulfills the low expectations set for him. All typos are his, not mine.

English 101
Persuasive Argument: TV Kills

One of the most valuable commodities the human race has is its children. So when one makes steps to protect this commodity, it should be supported without question. However, these means will of course be different in everyone's opinion. But society has to do what is can to preserve it's integrity.

One aspect of protecting children is censoring television. This of course makes perfect sense. Becase children today watch an immense amount of television it seems like a rational place to start. All the sex, drugs, and violence that occurs in real life, is shunned from children until they are old enough to do it themselves. Rather let education be those who should be charged in educating our children, yes the standardized cold public school system.

Indeed, allow all those tax dollars do their job and educate our children in public school. There they will have the advantage of hearing a teacher dictate the same lecture that he has for year...whether or not information has changed. This will truly prepare this generation's children for life in the real world.

However, restricting children and forcing them to go learn from illustrious teachers, is not the preferred state of the children. After all, all work and no play makes Jimmy a dull boy. Video games are the wave of the future, in fact with more lifelike gore and violence than ever before. Today's children have the advantages of technology to help focus and nurture their violent tendencies without any real world consequences.

Rather should we lay all these conveniences down and actually educate and care for our children, and help them grow and mature with a warm helping hand; or is life entirely toobusy for a parent to raise their children today?

B-

Your focus is lost a little.
Your sentences don't flow
smoothly. Your papers
should be a little more
coherent by now.