Dear sear or madam:
PLEASE FEED MY CHILDREN. On Sundays. Please, i would much rather you be open on Sunday and, oh, say, give all your profits to Jesus, than not be open at all and make Christians look like retards. If you want, you could be open on sunday but have holy men in each store, preaching the Gospel. Or donate the facilities to vagrants or youth groups or bingo clubs. Whatever you do, just find some way to use the hundreds of restraunts I've entrusted you with to some productive end, rather than letting My gifts to you lie idle for one-seventh of the week. Both my Father and I are tired of the extra workload we get on Sundays just because of otherwise faithful individuals damning us for making Chick-fil-a closed after they drove all that way and got their hopes op for some yummy chicken and waffle fries.
Also We are concerned that usually this Day of Rest is being claimed as the day in which Our 10% tithe would have been earned except that the boss wouldn't let us come to work, so what can we do God? And they apologize while theyre at church and that's good but to be honest We would rather have the money.
I am politely requesting these things even though i could just threaten to withhold your salvation, which I have been urged on many occasions to do and am, as a matter of fact, sort of infatuated with the idea of.
Sincerely,
Jesus.
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